You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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