You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
