so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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