You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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