You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
