she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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