1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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