I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
