I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
