I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
