The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
