What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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