mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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