i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
