Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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