girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
