I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
