U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
