he was CRYING into my vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
