When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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