I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
