i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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