I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
