There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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