Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
