So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
