I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
