Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
