So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
