i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
