My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
