I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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