I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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