I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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