I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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