if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
