Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
