Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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