i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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