hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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