My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
