He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
