Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
