Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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