no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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