U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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