Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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