2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
