After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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