I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
