i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
