remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's shark week go big or go home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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